I’ve experienced a lot of anxiety this past month. Not stress. Not worry. Anxiety. And it has caused me all too quickly to fall into being a person that I am not. Someone far different from who God created me to be. I don’t think all anxiety is this way, but I know in my case the root has been a lack of trust and a need for control.
But I have no control. A fact some days I am extremely grateful for. Or at least I am grateful for it on days when it’s convenient for me.
Because that’s the way it often works, right?
We are fine and dandy with God’s will for our lives when it conveniently falls into our list of wants and would-be needs.
But what about the days in between? What about the struggles, the hurt, the temptation to settle for less than what we were called to? What about the insecurity, the uncertainty, and the heartbreak?
I wish I could say that I always look at these times as blessings, but I don’t. I pray for that kind of faith.
I’ve often been told that it is in these moments we see who we truly are.
If that’s true, I haven’t been particularly proud of what I’ve seen about myself.
I’ve seen someone who gets easily frustrated and angered. Someone who is insecure and defensive. Someone who gossips, and hates, and is not trusting. I’ve seen my rebellious side, my sin.
And it is at times like this that I have realize how blessed I am to have the friends that I have.
I don’t know about you, but I have GREAT friends. Friends that I don’t deserve. Friends that I learn with, live with, laugh with, eat frozen yogurt multiple times in a day with. Friends that I Skype with, that laugh at my jokes because I think they’re funny, that dance around the house with me. They eat with me…a lot. Because they, like me, appreciate how food has a way of bringing people together. They pick me up when I fall down, both literally and figuratively.
They don’t just agree with me.
They correct me, challenge me, encourage me, strengthen me, protect me, refine me, and support me.
They speak truth into my life on a daily basis not just with the words they say, but even more importantly, with how they love.
And they are a daily reminder that during those times when things get tough, those seasons where everything seems to turn out differently than I’ve planned, that I hope people don’t see who I really am. I hope instead that they see who Christ was, is, and always will be.
Because that’s what my beautiful friends show me every day.
Also in the last few weeks I’ve had multiple people, when I asked them how they were, reply with, “My cup runneth over.” Each time I heard it I thought to myself, “What a strange response…I feel like I should hashtag blessed after a statement like that…”
And yet, in this moment, that is the only way to describe how I feel.
Truly, my cup runneth over.